Bloody bloody Bloody

There’s a REASON I don’t blog about Bloody Marys. Sure, a Bloody is a great brunch drink if you’ve been lost, wandering around the desert for years and years and years and you’re dying of starvation and need to get really quickly full and drunk. But for me, a cute little thing with a waistline and 401K, a bloody is just aggressive and TOO DAMN MUCH.

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I think a bloody mary bar is a cute idea hockey fans and their jerseyed girlfriend seem to love them, but if I wanted to BUILD my own cocktail, I’d stay the fuck home, ok? A bloody mary is only acceptable at brunch if I’m literally consuming nothing else and get to spend the rest of the day supine in stretchy pants.

And do not even get me started on the bloody mary accoutrements. There is no reason to put beef jerky, pizza, shrimp and deli meats on top of a cocktail. Everyone has lost their damn minds. And fuck all if I’m gonna drink something called CLAMATO. Willingly!


Of course, there are mixologists all over this city who just can’t let a good mimosa be and while I find the practice tedious, I am fooorrrr it!
Some of the wackiest specialty mimosas I’ve tried follow:
• Watermelon Mimosa – this was sweet, pretty, and most importantly HYDRATING! It’ easy too – 2/3 champagne, 1/3 watermelon juice, a splash of lime. Serve it in a flute!
• Herbal Mimosas – I like an herbal mimosa when I’m a little dressed up. Something about the idea of suffering through not only heels, but ginger or thyme in what’s supposed to be a sweet drink just really appeals to my sensitivities.
• Sell Dental Practice – how did this even get in here?
• Berry Mimosa – this is usually just a regular-ass mimosa with a raspberry thrown in, a strawberry garnishing the rim, or some frozen pomegranate seeds in there to keep it chilly. I’m for it.
• Cider Mimosa – this is just sparkling cider in place of Champagne in a mimosa. It’s delicious. It’s a little boring but it tastes good and I stan.


The concept of bottomless brunch is a good one. A bottomless brunch is basically a prix fixe menu where you pay a single price that includes bottomless brunch cocktail (mimosa or bloody mary usually) and an entrée from a pre-determined menu of entrees. I usually don’t mind spending about $35 on a bottomless brunch but I do have some qualms with how some establishments handle the bottomless portion.

A good brunch spot will leave a bottle of champagne in an ice bucket at the table and bring fresh OJ every time the pitcher goes empty and a fresh bottle of champagne whenever that drains. A slightly worse but still good brunch spot depends upon the servers to make sure everyone’s drink never gets to the bottom. And a shitty bad never-coming-back-here bottomless brunch mixes the champagne and OJ in the back and leaves it in a pitcher at the table. This is usually luke warm, weaker and weaker with every refill, and just generally tacky.

Occasionally a bottomless brunch spot will have a cocktail menu from which you can order if you’re not quite ready to commit to the bottomless option. This menu usually includes the delicious drinks not included in the bottomless deal so, if I’m balling and want to spend some moneyssss, I’ll order myself a bellini or Blood Orange Mimosa instead!

Because I can, darling.

Kit Kat

The Kit Kat Lounge has drag brunch. Some people have scoffed at me when I’ve suggested drag brunch, but nothing give me energy and cures my hangover quite like a drag queen hunty! My main problem with brunch is usually that I’m too hungover to enjoy myself and end up spending much of the time just trying to keep my stomach calm, put in some bread and starch, and ignore eye contact. But when there are drag queens around, I suddenly feel my energy level rise!

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Somehow, with a queen egging (ha!) me on, I can eat a fucking benedict platter, four mimosas, a piece of cake, and leave feeling magnificent!

The onllllyyyyyy problem with Kit Kat brunch is how many of the same folks go there, how many of them were probably where I was last night, and my innate sense of shame for whatever embarrassing shit I forgot happened last night.

But it does feel like a community building activity!