Bloody bloody Bloody

There’s a REASON I don’t blog about Bloody Marys. Sure, a Bloody is a great brunch drink if you’ve been lost, wandering around the desert for years and years and years and you’re dying of starvation and need to get really quickly full and drunk. But for me, a cute little thing with a waistline and 401K, a bloody is just aggressive and TOO DAMN MUCH.

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I think a bloody mary bar is a cute idea hockey fans and their jerseyed girlfriend seem to love them, but if I wanted to BUILD my own cocktail, I’d stay the fuck home, ok? A bloody mary is only acceptable at brunch if I’m literally consuming nothing else and get to spend the rest of the day supine in stretchy pants.

And do not even get me started on the bloody mary accoutrements. There is no reason to put beef jerky, pizza, shrimp and deli meats on top of a cocktail. Everyone has lost their damn minds. And fuck all if I’m gonna drink something called CLAMATO. Willingly!